VATIC Expressions
Truth, Transparency, Transformation
The Brokenness of Abuse
by Penny Ojeda
On Sunday July 26 while in service worshipping the Lord, I had a vision of someone with a bow and arrow. I knew it was the Lord telling me an arrow will pierce my heart. I know that means pain is coming. I love the Lord and He would not send an arrow unless it was best for me. So I say, “Yes, Lord, I’ll take the arrow.” On July 31, Prophet and Apostle Ken Peters visited to our church. Prophets and apostles bring the heart and truth of God to the people, and address all of the things in our lives (or in the Body of Christ) that the Lord wants cut off. On that day, Ken Peters was God’s arrow, and the Lord used him to pierce my heart. In fact, the spiritual realm of my whole life has been pierced.
With ministry gifts like Ken Peters and Apostle Everton Weekes coming to our church, I have been in training, and there is so much information I am sorting through in regard to how to apply what I’ve learned to my life. I have to step out and be the Lords light to others outside the church. I have to go to the next level and believe what the Lord has called me to do. I was watching a friend minister recently, and she has specific gifts that deliver those who have demons. Do I have the same authority? Can I do that, too? Yes… but I am to know my own call and pursue my own destiny. The Lord told me, “You are My worshipper.” When I worship, I bring people and situations to Him, and He speaks to me during this time. I am to pray and cry out to the Lord in intercession for His body, and the people He has placed in my life. I am to pray for those who have already been delivered that they abide in the Lord and stay free. Even my friends who are taking action and stepping into the Lords call on their lives, I am to pray for them, too. Above all else, I am to Love with the Lords love.
It is very important that I discern what to do and not do because being too busy can take me away from what I am called to do for God. During the past month, I have been very busy working 38 hours a week, and continuing to go to church services three times a week as well as attending conferences during three weekends in August and continuing to help care for my parents at home. I work until 4:45pm, then I have a very short amount of time to get home and prepare myself for going to church in the evening. The things I do at church are very important, and I am very grateful to be able to serve there. I just feel stressed being on the go so frequently, and as a result, I can become weakened, so I understand that sometimes I have to take a break and rest. During one of these weeks of being really busy, several painful things occurred, one of which was finding out that a good friend of mine is leaving the church I attend. Ugh. I had been hopeful that what she was dealing with could be worked out, but sometimes we are just too wounded to be still while God and people draw near to help us heal. I know that she is free to go, and I must let her go in peace, but I will miss being in fellowship with her.
On the same day I learned of this, I was awakened to take an emergency phone call. A family member had been arrested and was being charged with domestic battery. Suddenly, memories came flooding back to me from my childhood of the anger, rage, and aggression that I’d witnessed from one of the men in my family. I praise the Lord that he is free of that now, but those spirits and the behavior were passed down in the family, and now some others struggle with the effects. When we heard from the relative, he insisted “It was just a push!” but a police officer witnessed the event, and he was immediately arrested. In spite of it being “just a push,” the truth is a man cannot use any physical aggression toward a woman, it is still considered ABUSE. In fact, abuse comes in many forms, not only as an aggressive act from a man to a woman, and for some people its effects begin long before adulthood. It is often modeled through family members in the home when children are neglected, rejected, abandoned, orphaned, or even physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused. If the people inflicting the abuse, or those witnessing it, do not get help or face it honestly through counseling, self-help books, talking with friends, giving it to the Lord, etc., they tend to go on to abuse others.
Days later, I found myself at work feeling overwhelmed and wanting to quit everything in my life. I felt like I was on the brink of having a nervous breakdown. I had been weeping, praying to the Lord since we received the phone call about the arrest. I slowed my pace by not going to a couple meetings to rest in the Lord at home. I have to remember that I need time with the Lord alone. He stabilizes me.
My pastor, Apostle Brad Alford, taught on a topic that I’ve rarely heard mentioned in the church—“coarse joking.” Coarse joking is tearing others down by making them the target of verbally offensive comments. Many people like to say it’s not a big deal, but this behavior does not please the Lord. I grew up witnessing a lot of it, and I never, ever laughed at it. I didn’t think it was funny, and it hurt my heart. I now know it hurts the Lords heart, as well. My family did not have great communication skills, especially for dealing with negative emotions. Shame, blame, negative attitudes, and abuse was the result. My prayers have been, “Lord send your fire, purify my heart, heal my heart, heal my family, and use me to heal others.” The Lord exposes things inside of us in order to heal us, and exposure is definitely happening in my life. I can either face it or ignore it. If I ignore it I will be stuck and not mature the way the Lord wants me to and the way I want to. I’ll be left standing on one step and not progressing up to the next step until I’m ready to deal with it. When we know the Lord and know His power in our lives is real, it hurts to see our loved ones choosing to stay behind a veil; but it is their choice to make. I see and speak the truth. I was concerned about whether or not someone in my family would read this testimony and dislike or disagree with my sharing it. But the truth is, this is my story, I have a right to tell it, and the Lord is exposing the effects of abuse in our lives to heal all of us. Apostle Brad often says, “The Lord loves us too much to allow us to stay the same.” I agree. My family will not be the same because I believe and claim these scriptures based on His promise to restore my family:
"Behold, [in the restored Jerusalem] I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace (prosperity, security, stability) and truth. I will restore the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel and will rebuild them as they were at first. I will cleanse them from all their wickedness (guilt) by which they have sinned against Me, and I will pardon (forgive) all their sins by which they rebelled against Me. Jerusalem will be to Me a name of joy, praise and glory before all the nations of the earth which will hear of all the good that I do for it, and they shall fear and tremble because of all the good and all the peace (prosperity, security, stability) that I provide for it.’
“Thus says the Lord, ‘Yet again there will be heard in this place of which you say, “It is a [desolate] waste, without man and without animal”—even in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem that are desolate, without man and without inhabitant and without animal— the [sound of the] voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the [song-filled] voice of those who say,
“Give praise and thanks to the Lord of hosts,
For the Lord is good;
For His [steadfast] lovingkindness (mercy) endures forever”;
and of those who bring a thank offering into the house of the Lord. For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were at first,’ says the Lord.” -- Jeremiah 33:6-11 AMP
Everything that I am going through right now would have just taken me out years ago. Believe me, I have been tempted to stay home in bed depressed, but the Lord has matured me and I have been blessed to be taught by mature men and women of God at my church. I have just prayed, wept and continued to worship the Lord. The Devil seeks to steal, kill and destroy us. The fight I am going through is Spiritual Warfare. As we get closer to the Lord the battles will become harder, but if we use the tools we have in the Word of God—pray, praise God, cry out to him, ask others to pray with and for us when we need it, and continue to abide in Jesus-- He will help us overcome.
Healing of an entire family does not come easily, and it can be a battle to continue to speak the truth even when your family doesn’t want to hear it. Dealing with the past can be a painful thing for everyone involved. I remember praying, “Lord, what is the source of my weight problem?” I believe it is the pain of the past. I need to deal with the scars that are on the inside. I have soul wounds, I have emotional pain, but the Lord is healing me. He is not a respecter of persons, and if you allow it, He can heal you, too. If you live in an abusive situation, have emotional pain, or a family history that is causing damage to everyone that passes on from one generation to the next, ask the Lord to help you stop the cycle. Allow the Lord’s arrow to pierce through the darkness. If I can help others heal from the trauma of abuse, oh how great that will be for Jesus’ Glory.
© 2015 Penny Ojeda
October 22, 2015 Tina @ Tina.Augustus@***.com said:
The Brokenness of Abuse
Penny, I praise our Lord Jehovah for your courage and strength to share the truth of your past, and how through God's Word, and the help of Holy Spirit, we can find healing, peace and reconcile broken relationships. Many lives will be blessed by reading your article. Continue seeking and hearing from God!