VATIC Expressions: Truth, Transparency, Transformation

Volume 1, Winter 2015 Issue. A division of Vatic Publishing®, LLC. 


by Cicely V. Wilson

Learning to love oneself has to be one of the hardest feats of mankind. There are many reasons for this but one of them is: “Naturally, people have a negative bias toward themselves.” says Dr. Christopher Germer, a psychologist and author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. I would suggest that the reason for this negative bias is that we are the people that we spend the most time with throughout all our lives which gives us that many more chances to point out our own flaws and inadequacies. Why couldn’t we have the same capacity to point out all that is great about us instead, you might ask? Well that’s the million dollar question, but I would propose that it’s connected to the sin nature all of us were born into, or the nature of judging, striving, and comparison. 

 Which leads me to another big reason why it’s hard to love yourself first; the majority of humanity spends WAY too much time comparing themselves amongst themselves, and there is a reason why the Bible tells us this is NOT WISE. Why isn’t it wise? Because what kind of measuring rod would another flawed human being be for another? NONE, THAT’S WHAT!! Because the truth can be that the same person you’re admiring is looking right back at you and wanting something you have. IT’S ALL RELATIVE AND SUBJECTIVE! It boils down to this: one can never discover and unlock the unique and distinctive beauty that dwells in each individual if we are forever coveting the uniqueness of another and having our focus outward. YOU CANNOT HAVE SOMEONE ELSE’S STUFF SO JUST GET OVER IT AND BEGIN TO LOVE ALL THAT YOU ARE WORKING WITH!!!

Research suggests that having compassion or love, or simply taking it easy on yourself, can help you ward off anxiety and depression, therefore making you happier and more satisfied with life. Think about it, anxiety is tied to striving and depression is connected to LACK. So anyone who is burning themselves out, or never feel as if they have enough, is NOT going to be the picture of happiness and satisfaction, indicating they have yet to cultivate self-love. 

SELF-LOVE IS NOT VANITY!!! SELF-LOVE IS INWARD NURTURANCE!! It took me SO many years to embrace the idea that it was not selfish of me to love me first, consider my own needs first, and stand at the power of CHOICE in every circumstance. This, indeed, will be a lifelong journey of perfected practice-- I would say especially for women who have been societally trained that it is our DUTY to nurture and care for others over and above ourselves and give, give, give until we give all of our lives away; not to FEEL and THINK for ourselves, simply DO and I say, NOT SO!! 

While I am not suggesting that any individual be ALL-CONSUMED by their lonesome, I am encouraging us to realize that where the balance is found is however much you do for others, that you would find yourself doing that same level of care toward YOU. Remember… SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH... IT IS SACRED.

© 2015 Cicely V. Wilson

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