VATIC Expressions
Truth, Transparency, Transformation
Why?
by Brian O'Neil
why ׀ \'hwī ׀ 'wī• adv. for what reason or purpose
Syn. for what reason; for what purpose; to what end
---Merriam-Webster.com
“Why” is a powerful three letter word. The synonyms listed above reveal what this word unlocks:
A reason.
A purpose.
An end.
In my profession, which involves regular counseling on many levels, I find that asking for a “why” often reveals that “why” was not a requisite for the actions of the individual being questioned. Therefore they end up in my office citing a list of shipwrecks that were the result of lost direction. I also find that the more you ask “why,” the cloudier the answers become for a person who as lost their reason, their purpose and their destination. In my life I have been both the victim of the question “why” and the victimizer, using this word against others in many of my counseling sessions.
My own experience as the victim of the question has shown me how little I interrogate my own plans, and maybe point to the reason I stumble through life at times. I discovered that unless I was in touch with the reason I was engaging a project or endeavor, it wouldn’t take much to move me from that endeavor. It was equally true that not realizing the purpose for which I got involved with something would ultimately cause my focus to fade when adversity arose. What is the end of the project? The result of the behavior? The result of the endeavor? The “why” must be as regular in our lives as brushing our teeth. It isn’t optional. I found that if I apply this daily reminder to everything that I have anything to do, a newness is released into that situation because I am immediately reminded of the reason, the purpose and the end. I practice asking “why” in my marriage. If the reason for getting married is never revisited, then the “why” for marrying the individual that I chose can become lost in today’s trials.
As the victimizer, I often wield this sword in counseling sessions when the couple is at each other’s throats and ready for divorce. I simply ask, “Why did you marry this person?” of course the current, angry answer is “I don’t know.” Once we pass this point, I can get to the real reason which is often along the lines of he/she was my best friend, we’ve been through a lot together, we used to have so much fun, etc., and immediately, a humility and soberness enters the conversation… before the pride returns. This is why I stated above that whenever you ask the question “why,” a newness is released from a place of truth.
The third synonym of “why” is “the end.” I’m not sure how you can start heading out in a direction without knowing where you are going. However, I have counseled many in business who do just that. Many have given no thought at all to what the business is supposed to look like when everything is all said and done. The focus is usually on getting started, making money and learning how to deal with problems as they arise. However, if the individual had remained true to why they started the company and what they saw it becoming, the ending product would have required them to use a certain building material instead of the material that they switched to when things got tough, thereby ending with something that they had no intention of building. I repeat, “why” is a powerful word. If we employ the courage to ask ourselves “why” regarding everything that we are involved in, then the reason, the purpose and the end will become clear again. Do you need a fresh start? Ask yourself why.
© 2016 Brian O'Neil
May 19, 2016 Fran at GrannieFran@***.net said:
Why
Why-- it is never 2 late-- but if I had been advised then, or could use what I have learned now, back then... 🙋🏽